The last time I posted I wrote about change, the internal conflicts we face when we know our lives are about to be forever altered. When thinking about those moments it is easy to fall into a dark trap of “What if.” As I sit here writing this, I am struggling in that dark trap myself. Self-doubt and regret are scary emotions, nothing seems quite as isolating as being stuck in your own head replaying moments from your past, and wondering if you made a mistake. It’s like a cold hand grips your heart, you struggle to breath, to reach out and let go of all the pain. You wait for someone to grab your hand and pull you out of the deep darkness, then you realize the only person who can save you is you. “Loneliness of the Regretful Heart” is meant to capture that moment when you let got of the pain and darkness and realize you have to save yourself. The red ribbon representing all that negativity bleeding away. The mood of the image is dark, but I look at the glow of light in the clouds and think that at any moment those clouds could part and sunlight will flood the scene.
The styling of this shoot was inspired from reading the Kushiel’s trilogy by Jacquelin Carey. In the mythology of the world Carey has created there is a minor character named Mara, the first anguissette who wore a crimson gown and ribbons tied to her wrists. Though the character is only mentioned briefly in the story, she stayed with me dancing through my thoughts, but it wasn’t until I met Mandy Lou that my idea really came to life. I am so grateful to Mandy Lou, who I met during a group shoot in September, and the friendship that has come from our meeting. It is a true gift to meet people who share your passion and creativity. Mandy Lou came over a week before the big shoot for a make-up trial and a few test shots (pictured above). It was a cold Sunday morning at the end of November when we went out to shoot “Loneliness of the Regretful Heart.” Mandy Lou is actually wearing two layers of pants under the red dress, and Joe (my boyfriend and videographer) had a blanket and jacket on hand for between shots. My goal was to get the shot as quickly as possible, I had no intention of torturing Mandy Lou longer than necessary. Even though it was bitter cold, it was a fun day. Mandy Lou even joked that the torture and anguish on her face would be more believable because of how frozen she was. If you would like to watch the beautiful video Joe created for the shoot, you can view it here.